People will look back on photos of our generation sitting in pubs with 3D glasses on & think "what are those moron's doing with sunglasses on inside"...
My inspiration came from Dexter Holland from The Offspring, not the fictionalised serial killer...
Judge Hardie & The Crimes live at Alba Real Ale Festival
All these Pokémon suck, they barely do anything
Congratulations to Mike 'Kind Of The Pundits' Soave & 'Pig King Spaz' Andy Weir
ARGH, FREAK OUT!
As everyone knows, the wildest Hen Nights are the ones that start in Dunfermline's bowling alleys...
Confederate rebel bandanna wearin' dug!
The chicken tikka is "too hot" for poor Joe. #LightWeightYall!
Lights out... THE UNDERTAKER returns?! #Superbowl
I don't know who I'm more annoyed at: John Cena or Mike Soave... or Dwayne! (That's The Rock for people who don't watch bad Disney movies!)
Lindsay sporting a Douglas Wm Sandilands II style mustache...
Happy Birthday Ole' Sir!
Delightfully tacky yet unrefined...
Stroking a cat in a dark outfit like any good Bond villain would...
Being sick of Diet Coke but wanting to maintain your rep when you're straight edge isn't easy...
They're either shooting an episode of Crimewatch outside my work right now or there's a reconnaissance mission going on to steal my wheel trims before I go for lunch.
Five years ago tonight. #NeverForget #Toats #Yall
The sheer organised chaos of a thousand-odd people fighting for a 'prime' viewing spot to ensure that their children see a rather slim Santa Claus take two seconds to flip a switch to turn on Broughty Ferry's Christmas lights (combined with the double parking nightmare, the warm rain & pleas from the aforementioned children to go on extortionate & tacky carnival rides).
Reason I Don't Want Kids #3742
My fantastic Duck Dynasty on A&E birthday cake from my sister Gemma's Cupcakes & More , complete with a Si Robertson on the top!
Kev: "See the empty box from the new TV with all the packaging materials inside it?... I think we should throw it off the balcony then I'll head down & put it in the car"
Susan: "Or you could just walk down the stairs with it"
Kev: "...but where's the fun in that?"
You know what putting costs these days?... "about tree fiddy".
That new floating grilling method that the hipsters are doing these days
#CorporateHospitality #Sochi! #DoinIt #Yall
I Google'd the people who are on Question Time from Dundee tonight & the first image you see when you search for the SNP Cabinet Secretary for Finance; 'John Swinney' is this professional photo attached to his bio that just really sums up & reflects the serious political climate in Dundee:
From left to right: The Soave's wild boar & the Soave's wild whor... uh, Lindsay!
I can always expect something unique from Maw 'n Paw when they come back to the UK
'Someone' clearly abusing the concept of Dobbie's charity 'Wishing Tree' this festive season. #LizWeir
Web Designing at a Bakery. A tour (including being shown the 10ft pie & bridie oven) & free samples to take away, awesome!
#Heisenberg #BreakingBad #LindsaysDad
Judge Hardie & The Crimes
Photo stolen from the Dundee Rotary Club's website
Love the shorts!
I forgot you had blonde hair Laura!
I have no idea where this was taken, but it's over three years old...
Dawes, trying to relieve that aggression!
Sexy, patriotic people!
YAAAR, and Andy Weir be cheatin' by the third hole!
Nice view for lunch, (I hope there's crisscuts!)
ARGH, IT'S THE HAMBURGLAR! HIDE THE CHILDREN (& THE BIG TASTYS!)
The best drug-punned name of a céilidh band ever, or like one of the best?
I'm happy someone else isn't mature enough to eat their vegetables so it's not just me who the waitress condescendly looks at later on, right Caitlin?
Wedding Venue Huntin'
One last night at the casino before Dundee City Council abuse the concept of compulsory purchase & burn it to the ground. Dawes leaves with over £500 after winning the roulette tournament, Mike comes in third & gets £100 and I leave with a solid £29! Meanwhile Joe, Andy & McEwing hit the red but Teddy is the real winner with his free plate of horse-steak-pie & several pounds of mash!
The 2013 Sweepie Draw is done!
Like a bad Meat Loaf video still...
Is this blackout in East Broughty Ferry a way to force the pseudo-hippies to see what it's like to truly "go green?" Every second burglar alarm is going off too; panic on the streets of Barnhill!
Rock ye olde Christmas Eve meal...
Gemma, dressing your sister's pug up in a reindeer costume is very old-ladyish!
Joe Williamson sporting the "shirt I was able to make from my Gran's bedroom curtains" look. Très chic Sir!
Finally visited a Nando's. Very nice, even this gannett (with a whole chicken) approves!
Andy makes friends wherever he goes!
That yob Joe Williamson doing his best to earn himself an ASBO...
The sudden image some guy gets when he thinks he's on Chat Roulette to two girls...
Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined!
(Not my doing & wow! I really need a new job...)
03:53 A.M., unidentified male with a head wound found at the cross section of Forthill Road & Traill Street. Nurse Lindsay tends to the unsub while an ambulance is called...
Update: EMT's arrived, they think the guy is okay & they're taking him away...
Update #2: Despite my best efforts I accidentally made a joke about the man's mortality when the topic of his next birthday (& whether he'd make it to that milestone) came up in Lindsay's attempt to keep the male conscious & talking while we waited on the ambulance...
Update #3: I feel fine with myself now!
The third Hard Rock I've been in within five weeks after Houston & New York. However this venue isn't water-logged like the Times Square restaurant might be just now!
It will be an interesting night when we cook this near the end of the month. I pity Mike Soave's ass... & girlfriend!
Capricorn & a brand new name...
My Dad just put his first ever £1 in a slot machine & won £160! Then he had to celebrate!
That's some good moving Andy! Now, get the double bed. Mach Schnell!
This angry customer who couldn't use our air pump, is apparently going to "f'in do me in tonight". See, as I went to go on my break I see him swearing at said pump. So, while I would usually help someone with their tyres, I choose not to. I go back to the door after placing my cone in my lane & he calls me fat & throws the pump down off there concrete several times so I politely inform him that's criminal damage. He then turned aground & said I have no right to "f'in threaten me mate" & that he's coming to "f'in get me". He made the promise several times & I simply smiled & said "okay!". Then he called me thick for working in Asda, so I said that even if that's true, I'm still clever enough to work a coin-op air pump. Oh, & then I informed him that I also have an honours degree. I'm not being physically threatened by someone who's so insecure with himself that he starts threatening to "trash the petrol station & kill me" just because he can't put air in his tyres so I started video recording him on my way then called the police who are on their way. Sidenote; times like these are great arguments for those who want the ability to use their phone at work. It gives me more security than the company does. #FloutingAsda'sSocialMediaPolicyAgain
A nice way for Tarig's final shift to end. With a naked middle aged hotel guest running around the bar wearing a rather loosely fitting hand towel! (I'm glad I don't work in the bar trade)...
I think I may be part of the 1% who abuse the whole 'Unlimited Back Up For £4.95' deal...
At Lauren & Ben's Big Fat Gypsy 21st!
Joe Williamson: "Can I have uh... a cheese & ham uh... Can I have a cheese, HAM & BACON panini?"
'Dawes & the giant dong!'
The damage Joe's new car did with a faulty handbrake...
"Early Mornin' Dug"
"I've come replace the £400 Sarrin device that Neil melted by putting a radiator on top of!"
Nothing like a good fire alarm on a Jubilee bank holiday to remind everyone how understated us Brits really are. Only after a whole 90 seconds worth of a piercing alarm sound passing does someone decide it might be a wise move to slowly head towards the exits & leave the building (then everyone else casually follows). Furthermore, it only took FOURTEEN minutes for the fire brigade to arrive (even though their station actually borders our store). #StosselIsRight #WhyWeShouldPrivatise. Oh & this is me #FloutingUnerforceableCompanyRulesOnSocialMedia #HowTheBusinessHasChanged
Company Man! (& yes, I'm defying corporate 'rules' concerning social media... Ooooh!)
Bank Holiday Groupon!
"You f'in want some? I'ma crazzzzzy Little Jimmy!"
As written by the customer before us at the McDonald's Drive Thru after a ten minute queue...
Yes... we're getting rid of that Neil Scott boy!
I didn't know Patrick Jane drank at The Oxy!
The Magic Lantern Show performing live at Stereo!
"Beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing golden rings!"
Joe "Company Man" Williamson!
Neil Scott a courtin' a lonely woman...
This is THE Susan Byrom ACTUALLY holding a basket in Asda. I had to take a photo of this never-seen-before-"scene" to prove it to the world!
Security at it's best. Joe getting a watchtower built in the foyer
"I want you to play with my ding-a-ling!"
Farewell Mister Blake!
...And In The End
I'm sorry sir but you have to take that passport photo again, your dog is smiling!
Pikey Mike & his Tennants tinnie! #ned #chavon
"Pikey Free Lunch" from the Asda Wesbite http://greenroom.asda.com/2011/2/28/bonus-day-madness-in-milton
Surely I'm not the only one who thinks the new exterior of Abertay looks like it's a tacky hotel on the Las Vegas Strip?
Mr. Weir rapping his heart out at 04:00 to his improvised lyrical take on Coolio's "Gangstas Paradise", complete with references to the McDonald's food we were waiting on & even a mention of Geordie murderer Raul Moat!.
Joe Williamson & his gadgee suspenders!
Into the groove...
Nice to meet you!
Will Neil Scott get the all clear on his AIDS test?
Even with a nice little hat on & dreams about all the food he can eat, Mr. Blake doesn't seem too happy about moving to America!
Déjà vu. Customer driving over the divider once again! I was in court for the same thing yesterday!
Susan & her best friend. (Any delicious muffin in the local area!)
You know what Witness rooms in court need? Free Wi-Fi!
Farewell Old Friend!
Crazy gadgee driving around the town with a petrol pump "Out Of Use" sign on his exhaust!
Soave The Ned or Soave The Chechen Rebel!
The #sweepy draw aftermath. The video will be up early this morning... (Also the bird on the left... These women shouldn't be in football draws, they don't know the offside rule! Do me a favour love!)
2016 Edit: The sexism above was in response to the Andy Gray/Richard Keys controversy at the time!
My Christmas present arrived today, January 24th, it was ordered BEFORE Christmas!
Pikey Gran Turismo!
#AngryBirds "The madness must stop!"
I'm surprised that the company allowed that to print! (Photo courtesy of The Blake Calendar 2011!)
Oh yes, Mike, Andy & I will have a good night! Sirloin & look at the price!
What a lovely pink barbeque!
Loving the flower child look!
Seagull Island, Oh Seagull Island! (to the tune of 'Galveston')...
Ten seconds earlier he was playing a TiVo remote!
Rockin' #BTInfinity. Finally a good connection at this house!
The words that I'll be saying over & over again for the next few months... #Dissertation
Cover photo/splash thing for my dissertation...
Mr. Wayne's tweet on the Sony Playstation Access wall...
After 24C weather last week, it now is indeed (for the moment anyway) bizarrely snowing here at 03:00 (& rather heavily)...
Tonight, tonight, tonight! #Wrestlemania
That GQ Smile with the Right Said Fred haircut...
...and we roam the subway!
Smithy has garnered the interest of a fine young lady! But look, she's spoken to him & he's panicked! Poor Smithy, wait, poor Claire!
'Spot The Escaped Mental Patient!' (Hint, it's the one on the right!)
...with a ball he picked off the beach no less!
Where the hell is "Yowdee"? It sounds Welsh... #OccupyDundee
When there's only five seats in the car & there's six of us...
Tigerlilly on the left & Lightweight Lindsay on the right!
YOU CRAZZZZY FOR THIS ONE LITTLE JIMMY!
The siren smile of the counter culture...
You want some m f'er?!
"A Clarky's On The Way Hame?" (A hat-tip to our favourite All Night Bakery on the new Dundee Tennants glass...)
Bono from U2 has generously agreed to be tonight's independent adjudicator... Filming is imminent!
"WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING, WHAT ABOUT US!"
There's bacon on that donut!
The Steve Soave doppelgänger strikes again! (from Mike!)
Stay Classy Mother!
#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen Susan's Dad pledges his allegiance to the Third Reich at Christmas dinner...
The small nocturnal nomadic tribe known simply as "The Arbroath Pikeys" hang around their new Asda in the hunt for 'Reduced To Clear' cuts of lean meat!
One of the most inspirational men who's ever walked the earth... & my father sitting next to him!
Neil Scott makes a welcome return to The Ferry!
Thursday Night Burger Club
Come on... you would. If only to be patriotic!
"Now, There are taxi drivers, but... is there any action?" - Andy Weir!
Start wearing purple, wearing purple!
That Andy Weir, is always up my ass...
Roaming the streets of Newcastle...
I met Dave Soave in a barbershop one day. Then a poodle walked in. (Poodle not pictured)...
Little 'doag' gets scared of the lightning so his 'thunder coat' apparently calms him down...
I thought we weren't allowed to use this word anymore...
It's a lovely May evening here in Forfar delivering shopping to the farmers...
'Farmyard Friends', not a bad cake to be reduced to £1!
One of Gemma's homemade cakes...
One jumper on the bridge & the entire city comes to a standstill...
A beautiful freshly painted forecourt...
Dissertation completed, binded & submitted...
Chivalry is not dead...
A donkey?! Tropicana know my policy about drinking fruit juice out of cartons that have donkeys on the side of them!
A customer once told Andy he looked "just like Buddy Holly"...
Some people spend £3500 on suits, I spend £350 on headphones...
Asda's horrible first attempt at whoopie pies...
See these kids who overfill their tanks then cause them to burst on our forecourt...
A real screenshot from Britney Spears' video 'Hold It Against Me'...
If you pre-ordered the album you were given a code for pre-sale tickets. (The first time I'd bought a CD in ten years...)
When we went to Hard Rock Cafe for Andy's birthday...
Groupon Voucher #3!
A lone deadly snake spotted in the Whitfield wilderness...
The suggested avatar I did for Mr. Watson back when he first started to use Twitter...
Hunter at TNA/iMPACT wrestling taping in Florida. (Screen grab from the actual TV broadcast)...
My Father helping bridge Pan-Arab relations in his new homeland in this post-9/11 world...
Dave Soave's "light snack" for us for the Scotland game (this is after we all had a large meal 40 minutes earlier)... Keeping the Post Office Bar in business anyway!
Caitlin can do the Kidz Meal activity sheet alllll by herself! (Although Andy did have to help her with counting the fish)...
"They're building oil rigs in The Tay!" - Lindsay Murray
About sixty geeks all queuing up at 23:00 for the FIFA '12 launch at midnight in Asda. (I say geeks but they're normal people). Albeit all young affluent single males with the same haircut but still people!
Q) "How many drunk people can you fit in a phonebox?" A) "Two & a half" (Caitlin's too short to be considered a full person...) I kid the Caitlin!
Andy is a lineman for the county & he drives the main road... (A little Glen Campbell there for you!)
Ladies & Gentlemen... Caitlin Murphy!
As Andy approaches the girl he's set his sights on, she reaches into her red purse quickly to grab her pepperspray...
A "rave"?! Please, what is this, 1994?
It's 15:00 & Mike isn't drunk yet. #NotHappy
'The Red Tounge Of Soave'
Mike, showing the world our new gang sign...
20:27 on a Sunday & Yan's asleep... #MellowingInHisOldAge
Spot The Difference!
White Power Andy sympathising with the Nazi's again in the Post Office Bar!
I just spoke to Miss. Moffat & remembered I still had this picture! Notice that everyone but Mr. Weir at least PRETENDS to look away when Joe & Jo get their love drunk kiss on!
Is that Prince Harry sitting on the embankment next to McDonald's?
Little Miss. Moffat, I hope that hand is on your drink below!
Two hundred & fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June...
(Name that tune!)
Gadgee 14 year olds pole dancing on a street sign to offer (what they must think is entertainment) to passing vehicles. Ah, I love this city...
Broughty Ferry Road, 16:00... #MoreWarmAirThanPiersMorgan
The serious, but gentle looking cover artwork for Neil's upcoming poetry book "Blood In The Stool"
Andy "I've Been Out Since Twelve, That's Why I'm Drunk" Weir trying to take a photo of Sarah's lighter while performing his acapella rendition of Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-ling"!
If you ain't tilting this room, then neither am I!
Laura's super crazy cat!
Miss. Lister overtaking an HGV at 80mph on her phone to our car at the same time. Impressive!
Susan Byrom, Ozzy Osbourne or... Cher?
"We have already taken your Prime Minister... He was delicious!"
'King Of The Pundits 2011/12'!
Who will be 'King Of The Pundits'?
...and I'm done! In the words of Third Eye Blind, "Can I graduate?"...
It's been 18 months since we lost LOBF 🙁
Hurrell's Thirtieth in the "dive formally known as the Centenary bar"...
Sorry, I had to upload it when it was enhanced Andy!
...& this is the photo we'll sell to whatever-replaces The News Of The World if Mr Tams should ever decide to run for political office!
"The Roof Is On Fire"
My Mum read this outside the Post Office & thought al-Queda were away to attack Poland!
Cake on a stick, covered in strawberry icing. Awesome!
Andy Weir gazing at the (& I quote) "example of a spectacular post modern rail bridge!"
How many drunks does it take to close up a public house?
Andy getting proposistioned by Ben's mother... "Love lift us up where we belong!"
Teddy Watson or Wee Burney from Rab C. Nesbitt?
Pikey coleslaw eatin' ducks!
The photo I'll use against Dave should he ever try to run for public office!
An assload of potatoes & several dozen cans of Asda's 23 pence Smart Price larger (at 21:57 no less). Who wouldn't be up for that type of a night? Chunky chips & 2% alcohol!
Joe "King Of The Gypsies" finding the foil lined bag used in an attempted robby after the police took the Romanian jailbirds away! #CSIWilliamson
The "Niles Crane" look that Andy considered buying for Finlay Tams yesterday!
The kid was doing gang signs to Andy, seriously! I think he's a Crip representin' the East Coast (Dundee & Newcastle respectively)...
Finlay "I Can Has Cheezburger" Tams!
The nominees in the "Colleague Of The Year" catagory are...
Andy "I May Have Been Born Yesterday, But I Was Up All Night" Weir, taking a photo of yours truly, taking a photo of him!
23:50 and the meat feast continues! Another bbq,this time with a Soave-prepared trout, M&S sausages, Andy's Big Eat burgers, Mike's paprika chicken & more steak burgers! Followed by chocolate & strawberry gateauxs...
20:00, Barbecue ready. Six of Neil's steaks, four of my lovely steak burgers, a dozen sausages from various places, Jen's pork ribs & mini-potatoes, Mike's teriyaki chicken & Yan's marinated pork...
When there's not enough seats in the car for everyone... We put Andy in the boot!
This band did a great cover of Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" in 2001, right?
Neil, with a smile on his face after gettin' a dude's number!
Is Neil: A) Supporting Asda's breast cancer charity "Tickled Pink"? B) Doing his best Adam Levine impression? C) Posing for his new MatchMen.com profile? D) Looking for a cameo in the new Duran Duran or Lady Gaga videos? E) Wanting to take you salsa dancing?
Turns out it wasn't an April Fool, somebody really did do a Banksy-influenced Lemming (falling with an umbrella no less) at the entrance to the Bell Street carpark as a tip of the hat in respect to DMA Design (company that created Lemmings) being founded at Abertay two decades ago... Pretty cool.
Neil Scott finishing two XL Bacon Double Cheeseburgers from Burger King!
Neil Scott, sitting patiently before attempting two XL Bacon Double Cheeseburgers from Burger King!
They may be part of the world's biggest retail conglomerate but "The Company" can't spell a nine letter word correctly...
Lindsay "The Legs" Murray!
🎵 Smile on my face, ten feet wide
Gemma's large ass burnt cupcake!
Totally pointless but this paint program on my Android gave me something to do while Susan watched "Dancing On Ice"!
Let's play: "Spot The Mathematical Inconsistency!"
Testing the new OTA updates for HTC Sense!
What does Esther Ranzen's dog say?
Creepy Neil Scott!
Better than my "Angry Birds" decal!
I have no idea what a 'Star Point' is but all I know is Andy Weir didn't get one (when he was also working in petrol that day). #Awesome!
Andy Weir watching an eleven minute Christmas megamix video of a rabbit dancing adequately shouts out "The f's going on?!"
Add an iPod Touch on top of that & that's dropping one & a half grand in an afternoon...
I AM THE 99%!
uTorrent Remote's suggestion for a secret question should I ever forget my password...
Andy & I saw a metrosexual vampire & a 5ft slab of bacon at 02:00 outside of the bakery while we were listening to a Chris Isaac cover... #IGottaGetOutOfThisPlace
Today I will feel like Jay Pritchett from Modern Family with Gloria on his arm... as in "tonight, no one will be looking at me!"
Mike doing his best effeminite Nazi pose, Lindsay doing her best to hold on for dear life & me, uh... doing my best "Cam" from 'Modern Family'!
There are some jobs in the world that require truly evil people to do them, people with no soul. Like Nazi scientists, executioners... traffic wardens!
Little Jimmy's CRAZZZZZZZZY!
"You done fingering mah brockulee yut?"
Having a "Nut Grabingly Refreshing" Pint!
So an Australian couple come into petrol with a flat tyre on their London-hired rental car. The Shelia comes up to the windee & asks for The Ay Ay numba but instead I volanteeered my man Neil Scotty to dae it. Andy Weiry comes up soon afta. I helped the Mick put the flat tyre in the trunk'.but the othas did all the work! Colleague of the year nominations?